How I look at this situation is pretty simple; it is a bare face lie and here is why.
There have been many times I considered that my problems in life were not of my own doing and were attributable to an external force. This is to say that I was a victim of society and therefore unable to be held accountable for my own actions. I was angry at the world for reasons I could not confirm and took on an ideology that is nothing short of racist.
The one thing this ideology affords the subscriber above all else is the transfer of responsibility. This is what makes this mindset so dangerous particularly to the young as it is often taught (but not always necessarily so) from an early age.
This was the greatest lie that I was never taught.
Who is to Blame?
For me I was in my early teens (thirteen) and had a racial awakening that changed how I saw myself as a black person and the rest of the world. I was given a dose of what the majority of other races think of the American negro. What was most interesting was that this racial awakening come from a non-white source and furthermore, a group that is often considered in the same set of circumstances as blacks in America. Latinos taught me a most valuable lesson about race; it does exist and it does matter.
I have been called racist names by white and latino kids growing up in elementary school a few times…and that was it. I never gave much thought to it as it was irrelevant and as a christian (at the time) I forgave them for it.
What was different in this racial awakening was the fact that I, a negro, was involved with a Mexican girl. This did not fare well with the parents (particularly with the mother) at all.
I became a victim of society in my mind and heart. I knew that I was a good, kind, and loving person but because I was a black person, the world would not hear of it.
So I looked to rebel and rebel I did but to my own detriment.
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall
My Mother and Father raised my siblings and I accordingly. They taught us old school morals and virtues that seem to have been long forsaken by what is reflected in society today.
The has never been a day that I could give that my Mother or Father taught us to hate, despise, or marginalize a group of people for any unfounded reason. We judged people by their character as to whether or not they were reasonable to consider as associates, etc.
We were never taught to hate or discriminate based on race or even culture for that matter.
But what does this have to do with victimology?
I began to hate who I was for no reason other than being black. I was not good enough to take the hand of a beautiful Mexican girl simply because I was black.
I was good academically as I was getting good grades thus intelligent. I was happy (generally speaking) and had good friends. I was well behaved and quite mannered as well.
The only problem was that I am a Negro.
All of this set the stage for self destruction. I became a rebel with a cause as I acted out in anger which only brought more sorrows than I started out with in this scenario.
I had created the perfect storm. This situation gave me a reason to blame others for my failures. My failures were of my own doing with things such as; ditching school, smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol, using Marijuana, fighting, etc.
The one thing I did not do was blame white people for my problems; I blamed pretty much every race. The way I saw it, no one likes a negro.
I had a lot of growing up to do and have done so. If I had not changed my philosophy about myself and how I view myself in the world, I think I would be dead or in prison.
It wasn’t until I became a young man (about 20 yrs. or so) that I began to see the error of my ways and the damage I had caused myself. I was not a criminal or an ex convict with a record of any sorts. I was a person held back due to my own inability to coupe with racism in a manner that would allow me to understand what it is, and why it happens (although I dont think I was old enough to grasp its complexity at that young age). This measure would likely have prevented me from self sabotage.
When I look in the mirror, I dont always like what I see. There are as many reasons for that as there are stars in the night sky I suppose. But often it is a reminder that I failed to be my own source of valor to defend myself from the evils the world employs. It is comforting to know that I am only but a human which is often subject to all things human.
When I look in the mirror on any given day, I own my mistakes. They have made me all the wiser, more clever, and philosophical. When I look deeper into the mirror, I know that I have more to yet learn .
The mind never rest.
[aesop_video width=”100%” align=”center” src=”youtube” id=”18ONYhfm0kg” caption=”Who is to Blame for My Rotten Life?” loop=”on” autoplay=”on” controls=”on” viewstart=”on” viewend=”on”]
(This video inspired me to write my own post concerning said topic: Who is to blame? )